It'd Look Something Like This.
So, I did it again.
Two days ago, I touched down in Los Angeles. The plane taxied to the gate, and I checked my phone. I always get a touch emotional on planes – something about the altitude brings a dash of euphoria that standing on the ground just can’t duplicate. My inbox has a message that stands above the rest.
It’s from Live Nation, or maybe Ticketmaster: KESHA, NOVEMBER 18, LIVE AT THE HOLLYWOOD PALLADIUM. I bought the ticket almost subconsciously. After all, I came of age in the heart of YOLO 2011 – how could I not?
So, 11 days after seeing her perform in my hometown of Detroit, I headed to Hollywood to see Kesha again on The Only Love Tour. During my walk to the venue, I filled my ears with the tour setlist before hopping on a Lime scooter to cover the last mile to Sunset Blvd. (I hadn’t done that in forever.)
I’ve written recently about the power of music (especially live music) as it relates to bringing joy. It’s been a constant throughout my life to turn to favorite songs and new ones, in an effort to chase the feeling of being up in the clouds. As the ancients knew, music has a healing quality – a natural ability to invigorate. And we have the natural feeling to chant along to the sounds.
So, here I sit to write – still a tad high and maybe just a little bit tip-sy.
It also feels natural to me, to write, as a way to remember the Good Old Days. Funny enough, that was the first time I saw Kesha, on her co-headlining tour with Macklemore on June 8, 2018 at The Forum (yes, I obviously had to look that up). Regrettably, I’d missed her Rainbow Tour set at the Hollywood Palladium back on November 1, 2017 (thanks again, Wikipedia).
I lived in Hollywood at the time and had a gym membership right down the street at L.A. Fitness. I’ll never forget standing outside of the building and hearing the walls pounding to Praying (I was still cosplaying as fairly poor at the time, so a $50 ticket was out of the question).
Praying was a brand-new song that year and Kesha was a brand-new Kesha. That record became one of my summer 2017 anthems as a new Los Angeleno and I have a distinct (but possibly made-up) memory of driving on Sunset one night past the Palladium with Praying blaring on the radio. Even if that exact moment is a figment of my imagination, I know something of the sort happened possibly hundreds of times that summer across the city (thanks, 102.7 KIIS-FM).
So, when it came on tonight, the first song of her encore, I got a little weepy.
I remembered that guy from six-plus years ago, trying to belt out notes that Kesha herself rarely attempts. He was chasing. Chasing money, chasing a dream, chasing thunder… chasing happy.
What does that look like, exactly?
I think I’ve found it, or maybe have never been without it, but it’s fleeting, just like the memory of driving down Sunset with the windows rolled down on a warm August night. I hope you find your peace / Falling on your knees, praying.
Back in Detroit, I saw Kesha at the Masonic Temple, a venue I hadn’t been to since 2014 (wow, nine-plus years). I went with one of my best friends, and it was like a homecoming for me, near front and center of that beautiful stage.
There’s a segment on this tour where the former K$ asks fans to choose between three acoustic songs, two from Gag Order (Happy and Peace & Quiet), and one from Rainbow (the title track). Being a complete nerd, I knew this and arrived at the show with a sheet of copy paper with HAPPY written in purple sharpie, courtesy of my mom. I lit it up with my phone’s flashlight and Kesha miraculously sang the song I’ve been singing in the shower every night for the past six months.
Tonight, the universe aligned in a funny way. During that portion of the show, I once again lit up my HAPPY sign, but she instead played both of the other two songs. So, I happily got to hear the whole slate of her setlist in just two shows.
Sometimes, things don’t match with what you’ve envisioned in your head. Life, sometimes, ain’t always what it seems. But some nights are at least a little perfect. And here in an unusually cloudy Los Angeles, I scootered my ass back home tonight as well, with a light rain coming down as I sang through the streets.
If you asked me then, where I wanted to be / It’d look somethin’ like this, livin’ out my wildest of dreams / But life, sometimes, ain’t always what it seems / Now life’s got me fallin’ to my knees / But if you ask me now, all I’ve wanted to be is happy.
It’d look something like this, indeed.
